So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize