Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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