I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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