i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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