Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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