Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
