there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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