Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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