Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
