I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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