from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
