who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
