he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
