So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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