Cold hands, warm shart.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
