Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Operation Purity has been aborted
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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