She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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