What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
