Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
