someone threw a dead crab at me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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