Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
