my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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