i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
