You're my little dorito
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You ate ashes out of my bong
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
