I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
where are my eyebrows?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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