I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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