I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
