my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
