So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
