There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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