And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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