Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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