How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
