It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
