we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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