He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
