Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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