Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
