i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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