Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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