Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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