Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
