I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My penis needs a shock collar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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