I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Randomize