I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Too much gin, very little bucket
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
