Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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