I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
