I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
