You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize