Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
