did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're completely useless in the revolution.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
