imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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