There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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