you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
