My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
