we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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