I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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