i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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