I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
