someone get that fucking seahorse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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