I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
