fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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