she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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