When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
