mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
